The Woman Within

It may just be an impossibility for many of those who are cis-gender to ever truly understand the premise that a woman born biologically a boy was always a woman. The fact is, that there is a non-tangibility for the majority of the cis-gend er population to understand what this means truly....because they have no reference point. Honestly, I think we need to be careful who we vilify because what one sees that may be considered as vilification may, in fact, just simply be true lack of understanding. Now, considering that it took me as an intelligent (so I am told) human being four decades to understand that my childhood experiences actually paralleled that of most biologically born girls rather than as most biologically born boys and that my identity was always as female is likely a harbinger as to what we might expect from a cis-gender person who has ZERO concept likely of what the true difference is between gender and biological sex. Personally, I am not entirely sure th...

Required Reading.... Why laughing out at what many in the world describe as a "guy" dressed as a female isn't a laughing matter. Being the target of jocularity provides the vehicle necessary to trivialize and marginalize those who are truly transgender and simply trying to live their lives. We don't laugh at people who are born differently or who face special and unique challenges in their lives. That same underlying respect should apply to everyone. Although the intent may not be there in this latest public meme, trust that the connotation of how this is interpreted by the majority of the public will only play to enforce that meme of gender conformity....or be laughed at, mocked, trivialized and marginalized. I know many of us don't have problems out there in society as transgender individuals but there are many who do...some facing violent actions taken against them, That, in itself, indicates an underlying problem rooted in fear and ignorance ...

It was three years ago today that my mom lost her fight for her life.  There are days still that it seems like it has been so much longer than three years because she is not here with us any longer, and there are times when the images in my mind are so clear that it appears as if she should still be with us. It saddens me in either way to know the pain with which she suffered in the end, and to know it was not very different from the pain which she suffered for so much of her life, both physically and, more so, emotionally.  Her physical sufferings with breast cancer and then hospitalizations in the years which followed from the radical treatments of irradiation she was administered back in 1970 were omnipresent in hers and our lives.  Doctors noted often that she was a true survivor and ultimately commented, in later years, that she was among the few who had survived so long with such radical treatments.  She had difficulty in conceiving and underwen...

...I would like to stop to reflect on the year this has been and to thank those who have taken even the smallest of paths to walk with me in some way in my life.....and to thank them for allowing me to share in at least the tiniest part of theirs.  In the year's journey, as in each year, I have tried to look at the horizon and at what COULD be rather than to look down at my feet as I stumble through a tangled forest of roots and of rock in the darkness at often what IS....  In so doing, I have tried to focus and to write of each of the joys and of each of the small successes in my life.... and to avoid the temptation to render my falterings and failings as if they were tangible weights dragging behind and threatening to render the journey impossible. Far be it from me to say that this year has seen the culmination and fulfillment of plans I have laid forth, as I have tried to chart through the course of my entire life.  The odyssey has been a paradoxic...

"Stopping By a Gas Station on a Snowy Evening" Whose snow-blower this is, I think I know It sits within my basement below. It will not start tomorrow I fear As my driveway starts to fill with snow. Inquisitive minds must think it queer When shoveling without a snow-blower near Between the garage and frozen street The plow will block me in I fear. I give the snow blower a ruffled shake Failing to start, is it some mistake? The reason is unmistakable I do fear There is no gas in it for goodness sake. The road is lonely, stark and white But I have a can to fill with gas tonight And miles to drive before I plow And miles to drive before I plow. From the original poem by Robert Frost, “Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening” ...modified (with hopeful forgiveness by the original author) by Christen Bustani The original poem, in respect to the author, follows.... Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening Whose wood...

It was a blustery and breezy Sunday afternoon that Joanne and I found ourselves taking a few hours to escape the world for a quiet walk through the woods along a path around the shores of a mountain lake. The serenity and the sunshine dappling through the leaves brought a peace to my ever-restless soul. In a flash, the nature of that day changed when my cell phone's ring interrupted it abruptly. Looking at the display, I could see it was my youngest nephew “M”....my sister's youngest son. I hesitated for a moment to answer it as I thought of what this call would be about. I knew I never heard from him unless he needed something or unless he was upset by something. I thought, in that instant, of what likely lead up to this call. It had been about 3 weeks prior when my father called me to let me know that he had an unexpected visit from “M” out of the blue. Apparently he stopped by, according to my father, without calling ahead. I would have thought that with plannin...

With J down in Boston taking her mom to her doctor appointment, I wandered out on my own yesterday evening and it became a very intensely emotional night. I chatted for an especially long time with the manager of a major Spa here at one of the resorts on the big lake. At some point in the conversation, she admitted to me that she was dealing with the beginning signs of Alzheimers. It was a major admission for her but we were deeply into a heartfelt conversation to begin with and she opened up to me about it. I lost my mom to Dementia and the post traumatic stress for me is still as vibrant now as it was when I experienced it in all its throes then. I comforted her in a meaningful way although the admonition was one of concern and of search for internal peace through discussion. I started to break down but held it in as best I could, although I could see she saw visibly that I was on the edge. She has a wonderful partner who she has been married to for 46 years and I extol...