Memories and Affirmations

With J down in Boston taking her mom to her doctor appointment, I wandered out on my own yesterday evening and it became a very intensely emotional night. I chatted for an especially long time with the manager of a major Spa here at one of the resorts on the big lake. At some point in the conversation, she admitted to me that she was dealing with the beginning signs of Alzheimers. It was a major admission for her but we were deeply into a heartfelt conversation to begin with and she opened up to me about it. I lost my mom to Dementia and the post traumatic stress for me is still as vibrant now as it was when I experienced it in all its throes then. I comforted her in a meaningful way although the admonition was one of concern and of search for internal peace through discussion. I started to break down but held it in as best I could, although I could see she saw visibly that I was on the edge. She has a wonderful partner who she has been married to for 46 years and I extolled the wonderful relationship I knew, from both what they have each individually told me as much as their body language and inseparability discreetly implied. Then she asked a bit more about me and after, then summed her words up by stating in an unequivocally candid way that she thought I was an amazingly compassionate, intelligent, articulate, confident and beautiful woman. At that point I totally lost it as I was suddenly confronted with both being affirmed as a person of merit and as a woman, but also the stinging and heartfelt admission to a reality that was as much directed as empathy toward her as much as it was a reflection of what I did and still live with in my mind's eye today of the ravages and loss of a loved one's mind....and their dignity. Sensing I was visibly moved, as my body language and stance were tightly bound and retracted, she asked for a hug. We embraced and she told me as I hugged her how she said she could tell a lot from the way a person hugs.... a lot about the depth of their emotions and just of the person in general. Obviously it was her way of telling me something about myself discreetly or she would not have uttered it as we embraced. There are moments in life which become etched within you forever while others fade into the twilight of time. This shall be an indelible mark which permeates my very being in many ways for years to come.