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I'm quite sure I picked up the wrong one on my way out the door....

Tuesday, August 29, 2017

The Penultimate Post

It has been a while since I have blogged on here.... a long while.  The gaps between my blog posts have slowly widened as I have begun to find myself, more and more, just simply living my life as a woman.  The dysphoria is all but gone.  This blog was a tool, as much for those who have read it, as it was for myself.  I was able to make sense of my life and this journey, as much as anyone might hope, through the self reflection engendered in the process of writing out my thoughts.  Often, I would re-read my own posts from months or years prior and see how different my perspectives have become and my thoughts have changed as I grew slowly into the person I have always been.

I call this the penultimate post because it is the next to the last post I will write for this blog.  This blog is not going away, nor am I.  My transition is not ending, just as each and every one of us never end our own life's transitions, whether you be transgender or not.  What is going away is the need for me to chronicle my gender transition.

Transition will continue, as it does for each and every human on the planet, but the transition will be one of life, outside the constraints this blog has operated within.  I will continue to blog my pursuits and endeavors, just not on this particular blog.  This chapter is closing.  It's not a final chapter in my book but it is a final chapter of this important piece of my life.  It's time to look ahead to new adventures and transitions.

So what's been going on to this point?  Where should I start?  First off, I'm two years into a relationship with someone who shares the passions I have for travel and adventure beyond the ordinary.  He is, to me, a wonderfully loving and caring man who has had a bit of a unique adventure, like myself, in navigating the sinuous yet steady path of my own transition.  Certainly it has been a learning experience for both he and I in a realm that neither of us has had any experience with in the past.  Unique is good.  It keeps life interesting and we learn more about ourselves in the process for taking leaps into the unknown in so doing.

My spouse is still in my life as well.  She has been in a relationship of her own for the past five years.  It became obvious to me and to us both that we had lived our lives together more as two sisters would than as a married couple.  It took me a bit longer to realize and accept this in myself but it is very apparent now. She and I are on very good terms and we see each other still and enjoy catching up over dinner or in watching a movie together.  Roses don't come without thorns, for any of us in life, but for the most part, we are making our new relationship as sisters work.

Oh yes, I almost forgot, I have some plumbing work that's on the agenda for myself.  I'm a bit nervous but I realize it is time.  The current arrangement just is not working and to be honest, I've felt since about age five that something wasn't right.  At this point, I'm absolutely sure this is the best decision I could make to try to get my body into alignment with everything else.  Doing so will just make everything else in my life transparent.  I really don't need or want to have to explain any sort of variance in my anatomy with anyone.  Personally, I just want to finish out my life without having to answer questions about what's different about me, or my history, or anything gender related.  And, as well too, and probably most importantly, I am heterosexual so this is the only way to achieve that congruence.  Imagine that.  Here I was thinking that I was a non-sexual individual for at least four decades of my life when really it was simply that I only had to realize and accept the discordance of mind and body at a very deep level. Time to fix the problem.  It is not going to work with anyone for me in the arrangement that I have now anyway.

The story of my life is just beginning, in many ways, as if anew.  Still, this blog is coming to its own sunset as I come closer to finding the congruence in my own life in ways I had never felt before.  What an amazing feeling of not having to think about gender when I wake up.  What an amazing thing to just wake up and live life without every day having to feel as if my life was one big acting role to play a character that others saw but which for me was so unnatural and a sham.

I look forward to the adventures of life ahead.

My last post will be at some point post plumbing job.

The beginning of a new chapter in life is taking hold, and the story to be told is looking to me to be an amazing array of adventures to come!

Namaste



3 comments:

jen smith said...

Continued good luck Christen on your life journey. I'ts great that you have a partner to share it with!

Take care, and please update us on how that plumbing goes, especially if it's good, let us know who did it!

Best wishes!
jen

Emma Gray said...

Dear Christen,

Your blog has helped me so much, thank you. I'm far behind you in my transition but light years farther than I ever imagined I'd be. Like you I've also found that the resources I needed before are losing importance as I explore and become my authentic self.

Best wishes,

Emma

Emilee Bury said...

Dear Christen,

I am so pleased you have reached this stage in your life. Your blog has been a source of strength and support without you even knowing.

I am a good way behind you but am firmly set on the path to realise my true being.

Your blog has always been thoughtful, insightful and well written. I am pleased you are going to keep it up even if you no longer blog on it. I hope I will be able to follow you through the next stage of your journey on your new blog.

With grateful thanks and my best wishes

Emily

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