The Woman Within

The closest analog I can find to my life is like that of a person who finds themselves orbiting precariously around a black hole.....just beyond the event horizon. The event horizon is that imaginary line where, once crossed, there is no escape. The odd thing about the event horizon is that from the perspective of one who crosses it, they never realize they did even though everyone outside will see they have crossed an invisible point of no return. I've realized that I have crossed that event horizon only by those around me who have witnessed my passage through it. Now, as I am drawn inexorably toward the point of singularity at the center of the black hole, so do I find myself drawn by tidal forces beyond my control towards a singularity of self. There is no escape from destiny.   Too much of Pandora's box has been opened and I have come to see the woman inside that box as simply a reflection of what was my hidden self. Too much has transpired now that has c

Life is funny sometimes.  You know the saying I'm sure.... "Life happens while we make other plans"?  Well, it seems like even the best laid sorts of plans have a way of developing a life and direction of their own. Have you ever tried to put a plan together only to find that somewhere along the way your plan grew legs and  decided it might be more fun to take YOU on ride?  The great poet Robert Frost will probably come back to life just to torture me for rearranging his famous words, once penned, when I say.... "I took the road less travelled by..... NOW WHERE THE HELL AM I?" Well, I do know where I am.  I just wasn't so sure I was going to get here so fast. I'm referring to life now and the fact that whether or not this is to my schedule I am now full time as a woman.  I never declared it or held up a banner.  As Dr. Seuss'es Grinch would say, "It came without ribbons. It came without tags. It came without packages, boxes or bags.

I know I post a lot on here regarding being transgender and transitioning and all of that, but I haven't told you much of anything about "me", the person.  I know this won't interest everyone, and I will attest firmly that I am NOT writing this to impress anyone or to show some sort of prowess.  Far from it.  I simply want to add some dimension to this "two dimensional characterization" that it is easy to be swallowed up within in a blog whose motivation has been in discussion of all things transgender for me. My life is much more.  Being transgender....no.... being a woman who had to play the act of a guy for 45 years is simply one small facet of my life.  My life is much more.  It is a culmination thus far of an array of adventures and accomplishments that mesh together in some unique and personal way to paint an entire collage, an entire painting of who I am.  We each have our own unique collages of our lives and I love to learn about the amazing facet

The progression of my life as a woman has taken a path of its own now.  Trying to play the act of a male has become a fast-fading memory.  It is with ease that the aura of who I am effuses like a flower blossoming in the new day's sun.  Apparent, it has become, that my life as a male was a stress filled torrent of play-acting an uncomfortable and discomforting role as someone I was not but for the benefit of others and to maintain the perception of the male effigy. To be sure, he is still here, but he was never a "he" but for the manifestation created for others.  She, is me, and she is all that others see.  It is not just in the visual but in what emanates and resonates from my soul.....and it is clearly heard by others and decried by their own volition that I am woman. I've made another huge step and decided to divest myself of my hairpiece and to have my natural hair, which I have been growing out for some time, softened, shaped and styled.  I'm uncertain as