Marking Another Milestone

The progression of my life as a woman has taken a path of its own now.  Trying to play the act of a male has become a fast-fading memory.  It is with ease that the aura of who I am effuses like a flower blossoming in the new day's sun.  Apparent, it has become, that my life as a male was a stress filled torrent of play-acting an uncomfortable and discomforting role as someone I was not but for the benefit of others and to maintain the perception of the male effigy. To be sure, he is still here, but he was never a "he" but for the manifestation created for others.  She, is me, and she is all that others see.  It is not just in the visual but in what emanates and resonates from my soul.....and it is clearly heard by others and decried by their own volition that I am woman.

I've made another huge step and decided to divest myself of my hairpiece and to have my natural hair, which I have been growing out for some time, softened, shaped and styled.  I'm uncertain as to how I will wear it going forward and shall be experimenting over the next few months with flat irons and curling irons to see what I can create.  This is a whole new chapter for me and being able to use my natural hair is like a freedom I could not have felt until I tried.  Many times, it felt as if I was hiding beneath a synthetic hat which symbolically separated and delineated my male persona from my female persona.  In reality, the male persona had died an ignominious death long ago.  It took, however, until this moment when I mentally shed that mental separation of the male and female vision I held, that I would here-to-fore only be one self... as a woman going forward.

This is me.... This is real....This is my life going forward

There is much,  much more going on than I can write of here.... not yet.   There exists at once both happiness and hope and there exists simultaneously a realm of sadness and loss.  The dichotomy has, at times, been seemingly too much to bear.  It is with the love and strength of the close friends I have in this world, that I have been able to share, lean on and derive so much love and support that I hope, will be enough to see my through this whirlwind of life to the other side.  You are all very much appreciated.


  1. You have made some dramatic changes over the years Christen. I remember first seeing you on urnotalone years ago and obviously the evolution is marked. May your journey continue to be fulfilling and joyful....Joanna

  2. Christen,

    Your writing in this entry has shifted. It seems tgere wrestling with your past and the experiences that have led you to this moment are now fading at least for now. Becoming more muted and falling away.

    It sounds like a moment when you look up and see a future of possibilities. And see yourself more clearly.

    Maybe seeing yourself for the first time and not just a reflection.


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