The Woman Within

I just saw the movie, "The Help" this evening and it was poignant and emotional. The plight of the African Americans and their abuse, estrangement and isolation from mainstream society in the formative days of the civil rights movement are very reminiscent of the treatment we, the transgender population face today in this 21st century. In similar ways, we are marginalized, victimized, isolated and our rights taken away or lessened for our being trans.... I doubt a similar movie, such as "Gun Hill Road" would stand a chance in the mainstream theaters today.... How hypocritical we are as a human race for not seeing the damage done by many in the population who say they promote equality. And all of this hits me like a ton of bricks when I see Chaz being demeaned and belittled as a person, a human being..... simply for trying to dance on prime-time television. He is not bringing an agenda with him other than to show the world that he is another human being like anyo...

What is it that makes men and women's brains so different? I've been pondering this question for some time in reading and in research. Although it is likely obvious to even the most casual of observers that there are variances between the genders, it is one which most of us have come to slough off for one reason or another, with a simple joke. We often hear the term that "Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus" to identify, in a jocular manner, the differences. Often, one will hear someone simply state some gender slur bluntly, such as "Women Drivers" or "Typical guy... never listens to what I say". I wanted to understand why women tend to be more emotional, cry more and emote more than men. I needed to understand the "why" behind the differences. I was not satisfied with simply joking about it. Being transgender provided special significance to understanding my own self in retrospect. Being born sexed as male but feeling mo...

Another ephemeral and non-tangible boundary crossed and another vantage whose perspective is now more clear obtained. Last Thursday marked a significant although, at the time, seemingly innocuous change. Yet, what I have found, in time and time again, is that these seemingly minor changes are having incrementally profound impacts in my perception and in my realizations of what is coming to be. It was a minor procedure, a facial peel designed to target hyper-pigmentation. Over the course of an hour, it would take me another step into that realm of the feminine which I could not imagine, at the time, that it would. I began to realize the reality of the changes a few days later, on Saturday, as I prepared to get ready to go out. No longer was I finding the need to apply the camouflage of concealers needed prior to cover what appeared to be a mustache but which was only discoloration that appeared as such. My skin and pores were finer now and more porcelain. But the day was just b...

In the semi-conscious lucidity that one resides in just after awakening, I stared into the clouds of my morning coffee as I read a story that struck a chord in me... in a way that has me wondering how much of a civilized world we really live in. http://transmeditations.wordpress.com/2011/08/04/from-cradle-to-grave-trans-people-are-disrespected-repudiated-and-scorned/ Stories such as this really give me pause to wonder what type of world we live in that a person whose death as victim of a hate crime, can be simply sloughed off as being expected for being who they are.  I suppose it doesn't matter if you are intelligent, compassionate, witty or a compassionate, empathetic or loving human being.  I suppose what it seems that matters is more the package that the world sees visually. From my own personal experience, and from what I have seen first hand, is that we are at the least, silently laughed at or mocked and at worst, victims of hate crimes.  Fear and ignorance pl...

It is week two of having my spouse's nephew up staying with us during his summer vacation.  He is having the time of his life as we do all the things with him that his parents never extend the effort to do.  We've taken him on ever more challenging bikerides of 20+ miles and hikes up and into the alpine tundra zones of the high peaks in the Presidential Range in New Hampshire.  He's shared time and an ability to speak and communicate with us as his peer and as his mentor when need and opportunity present.  He's enjoyed us as friends and as family.  He's enjoyed spending time with me as his uncle and... his aunt. It speaks volumes when he is able to clearly evoke in his own words that it doesn't matter if I am presenting as a male, wearing hiking pants and covered in mud on a trail in the forest or donning a pretty blouse, skirt and heels and made up to the nines.  To him, I am the same person and the same persona.  He has told us countless times how...

Interesting how doing the same thing one would do when perceived as a guy is suddenly inappropriate for a woman.... So yesterday we stopped at BJ's on our way back north with my spouse's nephew in tow.  I was in guy mode, albeit with my freshly pierced ears bearing diamond studs.  As usual, I was relating with my nephew on common terms and enjoying the day.  On the way out of the store, with our carriage laden with a plenitude of perishables, I jumped on the carriage to ride the downgrade to our car at the end of the parking lot.  With my 15 year old nephew riding shotgun on the front of the carriage, we quickly accelerated to 15 mph on the downgrade while Joanne walked behind, pretending not to know us as we barreled downhill.  Picking up speed, we passed a middle-age husband and wife walking toward the store.  As Joanne approached the couple in passing, she notice the wife staring intently at me and remarked to her husband, "Did you see that...

I seem to have entered what I term as the "Androgynous Zone".  I am not sure how I arrived here, but here I stand.  I am perched on a precipice that allows me to look down either side of the chasm into the male or female worlds.  I am balanced at this point or am I?  My perceptions of this realm I believe I am in are challenged by the world around me. I recently showed my picture on my license to someone who remarked, "How do you get away with using that picture of you?  It looks nothing like you" A friend I had not seen in a year remarked how soft my skin has become and how translucent it now seems to be. I look in the mirror and I see the same person I have always seen.  Someone takes a picture of me in my guy mode and I freak out with what stares back to me in photos.  I race to look at my old pictures and they are not the same person. A walk on the street yields many numbers of low breathy remarks wondering what box I exist in. ...