A Question of Goals and Intents: There Was no 'Master' Plan.....

An intriguing question today from a comment left by someone.  A question that provoked a moment of thought.... a moment of repose, and a reflective response.....


What were your realistic (transitioning) goals? I mean like in stages, weekly monthly as you decided and knew who you were? Where did you build your confidence from?

That's a very intriguing question. I've always seen myself as a person who has set goals and timelines in life, both scholastic as well as professional. Interestingly, my perspective of my goals was like a goal marker constantly moving forward as I would approach it. Not so much a goal was it for me to reach, each time, what seemed to become an interim point..... more-so it was a case of "let me try this and observe the results" along each step of the way. For myself, I needed to understand how my feelings for each step taken, assess the attendant emotions and reactions as well as to ascertain how the social interaction and return affirmation appeared to happen in return. The self confidence seemed to be a natural result of feeling at once comfortable with my own sense of self and in the positive affirmation received in return.  I honestly had not wanted to come as far as I have, since in so doing, there is an inherent "shaking up" of one's world as it exists. Much to my surprise, the shaking up has not been quite so much as I had initially suspected, possibly owing to some careful planning and a LOT of communication with those closest to me in my life. With respect to that latter remark, I would have to emphasize that for those closest to me in my life, I wanted them to be alright with whatever steps I would take. Because I was not fortunate enough to begin a transition as early as I recall of about age 8 or 9, I had many more attachments, responsibilities and a variety of other factors which were the accumulation of a lifetime to consider carefully. I know many others who have transitioned very quickly and many were successful in so doing while others were not....with some even detransitioning and moving back into a state of utter depression. I see this as a longer road for me and I don't see transition at this point as a state to be reached, nor a goal. I see (and this goes for most everyone of us in our lives - transgender or not) that transition is simply a continual process by which we personally, emotionally and spiritually grow as people....and as we do so, we all find, ultimately, that we HAVE changed. By the time we are in the latter years of our lives, I am sure that most of us can look back and undeniably state that we are not the same people we were when we were, say, 18. It just so happens that my own growth and my own coming to a personal sense of self awareness just happens to include something, shall we say, just a little bit unique! :)


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