As we approach another Thanksgiving Holiday, a tumultuous flurry of thoughts whirls about through my mind. Some of these thoughts are my own and some are thoughts for those friends who add another deep level of perspective as well on this day.
For many of us, Thanksgiving will not be what it was when we were a child. We will not be the lighthearted and bubbly children who used our imaginations and our lack of foresight into the adult world to create a day of our choosing and to celebrate, unfettered, in play. For many of us, having endured a lifetime of personal, family and, for many, financial struggles, this can be a sobering time of reflection and of what and who we have in our lives, what things, aspects and loved ones have passed and are no longer with us.
I have been told by many that I come across as a very positive person, with an abundance of bubbly laughter and a persona that is entertaining and enlightening to be around. But, as I said recently in a conversation to someone in response to such a remark, it is at attitude of choice which I make to also bring out the same in others as well as to repress the many thoughts and emotions I share of a more somber nature both within myself, my own family and that of my spouses as well as the countless stories of those friends I share a small part of my life through and with here and elsewhere. Small bits of a hidden persona are often seen as muses which share a vision or music on my pages and contrasts starkly against the positive persona which I choose to champion and rise above.
For so many, this Thanksgiving is a sobering reflection of a truth unseen. Where family and parents choose not to include or celebrate this holiday with someone in their family strictly for the choices they made to be who they are. It is saddening to think that for some, those who choose to be as who they are is a humiliation, an embarrassment or a disappointment reflecting back upon their family and parents. It is sad that one can be cast aside as if they were traitorous outlaws who have committed some heinous crime, when really, only what was desired was an unconditional love which would stand up to the test of simply sharing in and of the deepest part of our souls.
For myself, I think of the day which many others will have, with large family gatherings and an idyllic and bucolic setting around a table layed out with seemingly endless plates of entrees and side dishes. Bubbly conversation and a lighthearted banter wafts about as the clanking of plates and utensils merges and is subdued only by the endless chatter and laughter which ensues.
Perhaps and mostly such visions are idyllic and perceptual rather than real, but as a child, many of us, I am confident, have perceived this to be the time of Thanksgiving.... even if it was but a manifestation and an extension of reality as seen in a child's eyes.
As an adult now, and having lived through enough years in life to see what reality exists and what has been lost, it is a more somnolent time. Another Thanksgiving without mom at the table comes to my mind first. Time usually yields one the benefit of softening memories as visions become muted through it's passage. I only wish that were the case but it is not. As an adult and seeing with eyes which no longer are able to preconceive a bucolic and idyllic setting which perhaps never existed, my thoughts become jaded with a sense of dismay and disappointment in so many I had called family. I continue to bear witness to the knowledge that I am not welcome by some and disrespected by others who see me as little fit to grace their table with my presence and not a thought nor call considered if I were not to make it first.
Truth be told, this will be a quiet Thanksgiving Holiday. I'll be thinking too of all my friends, many of whom I have come to know and meet.... and others I have not had the pleasure to know beyond the virtual web which we share. I'll be wondering how they are feeling and reflecting and thinking as another humble holiday comes upon us and is soon to pass.