Sunday marks the 18th anniversary for J and I. It is a time now for us to reflect upon the lives we have shared together. We have grown to understand each other at such a fine level; finishing each other's sentences, thinking each other's thoughts and knowing the emotions which each is feeling without ever asking. We are two... but as one... in a way which I rarely seem to see in others in the world today. Of anyone, she is the one who knows me the deepest of anyone and understands me the most. Having gone into this marriage with her knowing I was a cross-dresser was not so difficult and ominous a thing as when the realization materialized that this was something seriously more just two and one half short years ago.
In an instant, our relationship changed. It deepened and grew stronger. It became more intense with periods of intense joy of knowing I was on a path to be happier and sadder with the slow loss of the husband she had married. It has been her gift of sharing and of giving to the woman who was inside me that has helped my female spirit to take form and soar, and it is my realization that she has given such a gift, that I hold back from fully transitioning. For it is with my finding of congruity that she will lose all sense of hers. But it is a place where we are fluid and adaptive and where my spouse adapts beyond the measures of most, for it is by her love that she gives. She gives because she loves but not because she appeases to keep a part of the husband she married. She does it because she finds happiness in seeing my soul set free.
She was the one who wanted to pierce my ears, bought the gun and did it. She is the one who would come home, excited, with a new blouse or makeup for me... and nothing for herself. She loves to see me happy and rejoicing in the gifts she brings and often precludes her own self in the process. I can see no greater sense of the meaning of love than in this.
I, and we, do not know what tomorrow will ever bring. My only wish is that whatever tomorrow may bring as we travel the road of life, that we experience it together.