It's been a considerably busy last few weeks. Joanne has been dealing with a flu, then a cold, then me with a cold and then her with a root canal. I haven't been out enfemme for about three weeks. What I have noticed is that I have not felt the need to get fully dressed at home yet the anxiety grows worse. Dressing doesn't resolve it like it once did and the realization is truly taking hold that it's so much more than the clothes. Joanne sees small changes that I never really picked up on - like the way I walk which is pronouncedly more feminine she says. The way I talk and hold myself seems to have varied as well. Even my voice has been ranging into my practiced femme range and hanging there when we are out.

I honestly am not consciously working to achieve any of these things - they seem to just be occurring. I feel like a woman even if I am not dressed and I am feeling like this is some kind of huge mental border I have just crossed. I've also lost track of some realm of self identity. My self as presenting to the world enfemme feels like my true self now and my own sense of self as male seems to feel as a facade. Something keeps pulling me inexorably in a directed motion towards a feminine realm internally regardless of how I present.

It's a bit unnerving but everything also feels more correct and in greater alignment than at any other time in my life...


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