Back to relative normality....

My last episode is over - and it seems that when I do have them, they are seemingly progressively worse. When I am beyond one of these meltdowns, it feels as if really they never occurred. That's not totally true, but I do feel detached from myself when they occur - as if it happened to a different person. The underlying anxieties are still there, omnipresent and lurking just below my conscious realm but they seem to be manageable. I only wonder when another such breakdown could suddenly occur.
For now - all systems back to nominal but the waters are turbulent just below the surface.

Comments

  1. RobinMay 4, 2010 at 10:31 PM

    Christen,

    Seems like many of us still try to somewhat internalize when things get rough.

    I don't know why it came to mind, but I have an addendum to Robin's rule #1, "I Know Nothing", which I believe you are familiar with.

    Now I understand the need to not confirm Joanne's suspicion (meltdown post) that something was wrong. You did not wish to burden her or have her be overly concerned, especially knowing you were about to get into the car.

    I'm starting to believe that we do at times need to talk openly, and perhaps with somebody other than a therapist.

    Oh the addendum...

    I recall as a young pilot in flight school how they taught us all these little catch phrases, to help us remember important stuff when the brain might not otherwise respond in a crises.

    One in particular comes to mind, because it seems to perhaps apply to life in general, when we are at times, in over our head.

    "Climb, Communicate, Confess".

    Why Climb?
    Because there is no ground to impact above you. You cannot crash and burn if there is nothing to run into.

    Why Communicate?
    Because you cannot get help if nobody knows you are in trouble.

    Confess??
    Yep, you asked for help, that's great. But if you cannot be forthcoming about what is really wrong, you are not going to get the correct help.

    Translation:

    Never be afraid to admit that you are in real trouble, even if it is of your own doing. Vanity/Face can be restored one safely back on the ground, but not if you crash and burn because you were unwilling admit how you found yourself in the current predicament.

    So how does this relate to life?

    Climb:

    We all have our safe zone/place, really we do, but perhaps we may not yet know what it is. If you don't, figure it out.

    It is a place, a thought, or perhaps even the comfort of the company of someone we trust, when we need a "time out", when we are in over our heads. Maybe all of the above. Whatever it is, go there.

    Communicate:

    Should be obvious. In a nut shell, talk about what is upsetting you. Talk to a person, a real person.

    Confess:

    Simple, be completely honest.

    People are there to help us, to support us, even and especially those who truly love us, cannot really understand and help, if we are not forthcoming.


    Now that last one, confess, even I will confess (no pun intended) is difficult. There are some thoughts that we simply cannot, or will not, divulge.

    Not sure why any of us feel that way, not sure why I feel that way. Well, perhaps I do, if I wish to be totally honest.

    I know I definitely have a few of my own.

    Perhaps we fear the response, we feel it will alter the relationship we have with the person we trust with our secrets.

    So perhaps that last one, confess, while ideally intended to be for those who are there to help us, must before anything else, start with us.

    Are we being truthful to ourselves, or are we dodging the truth about how we feel because we already know the answer, and we fear the outcome of that "confession"?

    Sometimes, we already know the answer, we are just not ready to admit it.

    At some point in life, we will eventually have to deal with these secret issues, because one can only stay aloft for so long. Eventually, we all have to land on solid ground.

    That "landing" does not have to be perfect. It can be a complete mess with wreckage everywhere. In flying there is another catch phrase that applies here as well:

    "Any landing you can walk away from is a good one."

    or in non-aviation terms.

    "That which does not kill us, makes us stronger"

    ReplyDelete

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