2.20.10 - Nightmares and Dreams

The dreams are getting worse. I've had disturbingly vivid dreams for the past two months which seem
to repeat, over and over night after night. They all seem to be following the same pattern
and in each dream I always see myself - my feminine self. I'm usually just dressed casually - nothing special.
Usually it's just nice feminine jeans and boots and a fashionalby feminine top. There is nothing
sexual in the dreams - I just am myself. I'm going about what I would normally do but as a female.

The pattern of the dreams changed recently and I started to find myself dreaming vivid dreams again as
my male self. The dreams I have as my male self are strikingly vivid and almost always disturbing.
The latest of these dreams was a series of disturbances, like waves, which when I awoke, left me
disturbed for much of the day today.

At first I dreamed of skunks - large furry black skunks with white stripes. They were all around me and
slowly plodding their way toward me as they encroached upon my space. I found that I had to at first
step backwards slowly but then found that I needed to run in order to keep them from springing upon me.

The dream then changed and I found myself being recruited into an underground Mafia gang. I was
locked in a dark and dank holding cell and found the door closed and myself alone.

Later I found that I was offered the opportunity to buy some diamond earrings and mulled over the selection
as the whole Mafia gang watched. I knew they would think it odd if I did not choose a stud earring,
as of course that would be considered a masculine selection, but instead I chose a dangly set of earrings
for myself.

I looked up the meaning of these odd and disparate dreams to discover a few interesting things...

Dreaming of Skunks:

To see a skunk in your dream, suggests that you may be driving people away or turning people off.
Alternatively, it indicates that all is calm about a certain situation but you do not necessarily like it or agree with it.


I may be driving those closest to me, away from me as I journey down the transgendered road.
Although things may be calm around me as I hold these feelings inside, I find that I cannot
agree internally with how I must suppress and repress myself.

Locked in a room:

To dream that you are locked out, suggests that you are feeling alienated or unaccepted.
You have difficulties getting in touch with your feelings. Consider what and where you are being locked out of.


This is very self explanatory and relates to me feeling alienated from women being that I am physically a man
and unaccepted as a woman as I exist today.

Being in the Mafia:

To dream that you are a member of a mafia, suggests that you are allowing others
to manipulate you. Or you are using your power against others.

To dream that you come in contact with the mafia, indicates that you are
experiencing some inner conflict and turmoil.


It would appear that I am allowing others to dictate how or who I am - at least
as I am interpreting this internally on a day to day basis...

Being in conflict and turmoil appears to be self explanatory as I wrestle
with my own self image...

Diamond Earrings:

To see diamonds in your dream, signifies the wholeness of the Self.
You may be finding clarity in matters that have been clouding you.
Alternatively, it represents vanity, conceit, and your unchanging or unyielding nature.
You may be distancing yourself from others.

To dream that you are buying earrings, represents your desire for acceptance and affection.

Interpretation: unchanging/unyielding nature is most represented here as I am
unable to relinquish the pull of my feminine nature. Hopefully I am not
distancing anyone in the process however although I do fear it as a consequence.
It would seem that I am looking for acceptance and for affection - the source
is obvious.

Having such vivid dreams made it a worse nights sleep than having been
kept awake all night. While out and about in the stores today, there were
waves when I just found myself breaking out in tears. The intensity of
some inner frustration is gnawing deeper to a level I have not experienced
before. My normal veil of logic and ability to intermediate for myself
seems to be melting away into an abyss and leving me naked and exposed.

We were able, however, to find some wonderful outfits for our next outing however.


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