Christen is a transgender woman who has held much of who she truly is inside of her for much of her life. What one sees of me today is simply the physical manifestation of my true inner feminine self which I have held deep within for over four decades of my life. Over the years, I've been able to piece together various fragments of my life to form a coherent picture of who I really am inside.
From my initial personally courageous step out the door in September of 2009, the realization came from within that I was not at all feeling trepidation or fear - I was in fact confident of who I really was inside and bore a confidence which I never had within for 40+ years of my life.
Since my first foray into the world, I've solidified, affirmed validated and found validation that I am a female spirit at heart who wishes to no longer be hidden away from the eyes of the world and the light of the day. Being open about who I am has also provided me with the ability to educate people one on one and to put to rest, many of the fables and untrue stories of what being transgender truly encompasses and is.
I don't dress to be "enfemme". The clothes are simply the vehicle which allows me, within a gender binary world, to express as my inner female self and to interact within the greater world as such. As a male, I have always attracted unwanted looks, stares and attention even as I tried to convince myself and others that I was male. Being able to live my life as myself creates a synchronicity between how the world perceives me as female to how I relate to the world and express and feel. As a result, there is a sense of peace for me and a sense of "normalcy" which the world expects by a person who exudes themselves as female. The experience has also allowed me to see the world and the social dynamics and inter-relationships of both men and women from the both male and female perspectives. Trust that one can only imagine the intricate facets of the experience of life in the opposing gender if one has not lived it. It has been a most enlightening series of social experiences to behold for sure.
A little about me:
Currently employed as a computer engineer. In my free time I enjoy the adventure, the solitude and the reflections availed to me in hiking, camping, kayaking and traveling. Most of my travels have been through Canada, the U.S. and the Caribbean. I do like to cook when I have time and enjoy science fiction, backyard astronomy and creative writing and poetry.
I probably didn't mention the stress which is involved with having to hide a whole piece of oneself from the world. Each day becomes a struggle as one plays the facade of who we physically are born as and hides who we are inside from the rest of the world to avoid potential ridicule. It eats at a person by day and in dreams at night. It never goes away and unless steps are taken to materialize who we are inside, it can cause a complete nervous breakdown - I should know - I hit that wall - 40 years of holding it inside....
I believe that our ideals and values are thrust upon us by others who came before. We should strive to challenge each and every one of these before we accept them as our own and to not confine ourselves blindly to the teachings of others.
"The challenge is to be yourself in a world that is trying to make you like everyone else."