The Woman Within

It was just another evening out to dinner to relax and chat with my spouse and with the wonderful staff and patrons at our local watering hole.  Both J and I love the ambiance and coziness of the atmosphere and the plethora of widely varied personalities we have been privileged to get to know.  It's refreshing to know that we are not all clones of each other and that we each bring perspective that can enrich each other's lives if we simply choose to allow ourselves to be open minded. Celebrating our differences helps us all to realize just how unique we each are in the world.  Being unique often coincides with having unique perspectives and views.... and with that gift, comes new ways to look at the world around us and to consider. Take for instance this friend I met.  She was a gift to our waitress by one of the patrons who frequents the restaurant.  Our waitress is positively unique in many ways, with one of her attributes being that she enjoy...

For all of the positive and uplifting stories which I do try to focus on, there are also those deplorable ones of unmitigated violence and mistreatment against those who are transgender by the police and law enforcement agencies.  A recent article highlighting some of the more recent events unfolds here: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/michelangelo-signorile/escalating-police-violenc_b_1131343.html Raw footage of the Brooke Fantelli incident where she was tazed twice, once on her body and once in her crotch by Bureau of Land Management Officials while simply standing with her hands up, was posted on Youtube here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B_4PkC8XH7k Coverage of the Macy's incident where a store employee who managed the women's dressing room was fired on the spot by management for not following store policy to allow those who present as female to use the dressing room consistent with their gender presentation has brought some very strong, harsh and is some cases, vit...

Last night I visited with my therapist for the first time in several months. We talked and asked if she could be direct with me. I said I preferred it that way. I'm a no bullcrap kind of gal and I play life straight and to the punchline. Honesty to self, honesty to others is the best approach I find. Her questions really hit home but they were not unexpected nor were the answers. If anything, it was me sounding them out that really began to hit home. It is one thing to say these things to yourself but it is another to answer to someone else. The therapists I have had really never ever told me who I was and my current one hasn't, but she did throw back some thoughts and perspectives which really bore meaning and thought. I told her I wasn't transitioning but working in a middle ground. I wasn't on hormones and I wasn't planning to change gender marker or legal status and to play a guy role as well. From where she sat, she wasn't buying it. In those...

As we approach another Thanksgiving Holiday, a tumultuous flurry of thoughts whirls about through my mind.  Some of these thoughts are my own and some are thoughts for those friends who add another deep level of perspective as well on this day. For many of us, Thanksgiving will not be what it was when we were a child.  We will not be the lighthearted and bubbly children who used our imaginations and our lack of foresight into the adult world to create a day of our choosing and to celebrate, unfettered, in play.  For many of us, having endured a lifetime of personal, family and, for many, financial struggles, this can be a sobering time of reflection and of what and who we have in our lives, what things, aspects and loved ones have passed and are no longer with us. I have been told by many that I come across as a very positive person, with an abundance of bubbly laughter and a persona that is entertaining and enlightening to be around.  But, as I said recently in ...

The Girl I Never Knew -Christen B It was years long ago Perhaps when about age five Someone who I knew I truly was First knew that she was alive Others thought she was a girl It was her curly hair they would say The comments she remembered well Visions of an earlier day Through the early years of school She had friends with whom she would play It was always with all of the girls With whom she confided in each day Her best friend was the little girl Who visited from across the street Imaginative games were our world Our worlds combined were complete And as time and life wore on Our worlds began to be torn away Aspects of the world I had been living in Were taken from me each day The girls in school left me alone The girl next door, she stopped seeing me too They were becoming more as women I was alone and felt nothing I could do The toys of my sister’s They were one by one taken away Each was replaced with another That I was told I would enjoy a...

A good friend, Sherri,  published a piece on Transphobia recently and it brought to light, a darker aspect within the greater bounds of society that I have found disturbing myself.  We are judged NOT by who we are but often by how we are interpreted by others.  We are told and have heard, many times, the saying to "Not judge a book by it's cover", yet this is exactly how we, as transgender individuals, are interpreted in many instances. I know of a number of transgender individuals who have completed their gender reassignment surgery but have had notable encounters attesting to their being questioned of their gender in public accommodations.  Societal expectations of feminine appearance often dictate whether or not one's gender presentation is questioned, irregardless of legal or plumbing status being congruent with that of their assigned gender. I've had the opportunity to view this discordance from the opposing end, where no one seems to ascertain me as an...

Be it far from me to ever wish to stratify, segregate, elevate or separate myself within the transgender realm, yet interestingly, I have begun to notice and piece together just this sort of rift which has begun to developed.  In the transgender continuum, there is a huge difference between "doing" and "being".  There are many I know who find that simply emulating a woman in form and fashion is but enough to suffice their being.  They are those who "do".  Dressing and emulating the feminine form are the key and primary factors.  Photos and pictures arise in high numbers which validate presence and to entice with a show of form. Then there are those of us who are out as transgender women, as women.... who dress because that is who they are and feel they are... deep inside.   The dressing is simply a state which provides for the congruency which exists deep within and allows for integration and association within the female group which one feels most comfo...