The Woman Within

Last weekend was a spectacular one in that my spouse and I traveled down to Connecticut to visit with her middle sister, Julie and with our nephew, Joseph. Joseph has known about and been out with Christen on numerous occasions but his mother, Julie, had not... until this past weekend that is. I will admit that both Joanne and I were somewhat nervous with this evening beforehand as her sister is somewhat insecure in some situations and worries often about other's opinions. With me dressed tastefully with a nice multi tone blouse, black sweater wrap, black jeans and some fashionable boots, I made my grand appearance for Julie. We could see she visibly taken aback and said she was amazed how good I looked and that I presented very, very well. With a level of confidence in her eyes, we all headed out for dinner. Joanne's mom was with us once again and the five of us ended up at the Olive Garden. The place was mobbed when we arrived and the wait was longer than the 15 m...

Sunday marks the 18th anniversary for J and I. It is a time now for us to reflect upon the lives we have shared together. We have grown to understand each other at such a fine level; finishing each other's sentences, thinking each other's thoughts and knowing the emotions which each is feeling without ever asking. We are two... but as one... in a way which I rarely seem to see in others in the world today. Of anyone, she is the one who knows me the deepest of anyone and understands me the most. Having gone into this marriage with her knowing I was a cross-dresser was not so difficult and ominous a thing as when the realization materialized that this was something seriously more just two and one half short years ago. In an instant, our relationship changed. It deepened and grew stronger. It became more intense with periods of intense joy of knowing I was on a path to be happier and sadder with the slow loss of the husband she had married. It has been her gift of sharin...

I just saw the movie, "The Help" this evening and it was poignant and emotional. The plight of the African Americans and their abuse, estrangement and isolation from mainstream society in the formative days of the civil rights movement are very reminiscent of the treatment we, the transgender population face today in this 21st century. In similar ways, we are marginalized, victimized, isolated and our rights taken away or lessened for our being trans.... I doubt a similar movie, such as "Gun Hill Road" would stand a chance in the mainstream theaters today.... How hypocritical we are as a human race for not seeing the damage done by many in the population who say they promote equality. And all of this hits me like a ton of bricks when I see Chaz being demeaned and belittled as a person, a human being..... simply for trying to dance on prime-time television. He is not bringing an agenda with him other than to show the world that he is another human being like anyo...

What is it that makes men and women's brains so different? I've been pondering this question for some time in reading and in research. Although it is likely obvious to even the most casual of observers that there are variances between the genders, it is one which most of us have come to slough off for one reason or another, with a simple joke. We often hear the term that "Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus" to identify, in a jocular manner, the differences. Often, one will hear someone simply state some gender slur bluntly, such as "Women Drivers" or "Typical guy... never listens to what I say". I wanted to understand why women tend to be more emotional, cry more and emote more than men. I needed to understand the "why" behind the differences. I was not satisfied with simply joking about it. Being transgender provided special significance to understanding my own self in retrospect. Being born sexed as male but feeling mo...

Another ephemeral and non-tangible boundary crossed and another vantage whose perspective is now more clear obtained. Last Thursday marked a significant although, at the time, seemingly innocuous change. Yet, what I have found, in time and time again, is that these seemingly minor changes are having incrementally profound impacts in my perception and in my realizations of what is coming to be. It was a minor procedure, a facial peel designed to target hyper-pigmentation. Over the course of an hour, it would take me another step into that realm of the feminine which I could not imagine, at the time, that it would. I began to realize the reality of the changes a few days later, on Saturday, as I prepared to get ready to go out. No longer was I finding the need to apply the camouflage of concealers needed prior to cover what appeared to be a mustache but which was only discoloration that appeared as such. My skin and pores were finer now and more porcelain. But the day was just b...

In the semi-conscious lucidity that one resides in just after awakening, I stared into the clouds of my morning coffee as I read a story that struck a chord in me... in a way that has me wondering how much of a civilized world we really live in. http://transmeditations.wordpress.com/2011/08/04/from-cradle-to-grave-trans-people-are-disrespected-repudiated-and-scorned/ Stories such as this really give me pause to wonder what type of world we live in that a person whose death as victim of a hate crime, can be simply sloughed off as being expected for being who they are.  I suppose it doesn't matter if you are intelligent, compassionate, witty or a compassionate, empathetic or loving human being.  I suppose what it seems that matters is more the package that the world sees visually. From my own personal experience, and from what I have seen first hand, is that we are at the least, silently laughed at or mocked and at worst, victims of hate crimes.  Fear and ignorance pl...

It is week two of having my spouse's nephew up staying with us during his summer vacation.  He is having the time of his life as we do all the things with him that his parents never extend the effort to do.  We've taken him on ever more challenging bikerides of 20+ miles and hikes up and into the alpine tundra zones of the high peaks in the Presidential Range in New Hampshire.  He's shared time and an ability to speak and communicate with us as his peer and as his mentor when need and opportunity present.  He's enjoyed us as friends and as family.  He's enjoyed spending time with me as his uncle and... his aunt. It speaks volumes when he is able to clearly evoke in his own words that it doesn't matter if I am presenting as a male, wearing hiking pants and covered in mud on a trail in the forest or donning a pretty blouse, skirt and heels and made up to the nines.  To him, I am the same person and the same persona.  He has told us countless times how...